and then i went to the emergency room. with the worst pain i’d ever felt. behind my left eye. bleeding. in the middle of my head.
afterward, because of my recovery period, i wasn’t able to go to my job. as i regained my ability to stand and walk, i was gradually inserted back into the work schedule. but things there had changed. the staff and schedule had adjusted in order to function without me. and so my foray back into the world of sandwiches and soups was scarce and then scattered: before, i’d worked in the daytime only. but now, i was eventually working some days, some nights. as a result, my sleeping habits began to devolve. this was the same vampirish existence that had been my tumor’s nemesis. but suddenly, since my hemorrhage, for some reason, i no longer had pain. no matter how late i stayed up. no longer how little i slept. no pain. NO PAIN. NO PAIN.
so THIS is how everybody else lives. strangely, i know what it’s like to just be tired! just tired! finally!
is it possible that what happened on may 12th cured me in some way? could it be that the pain/problem had built up, and built up, and built up, until a dam broke somehow, and 10 years worth of physiological pressure was completely alleviated, through a horribly painful process?
i can’t explain what a profound difference it is…it feels like…a miracle. i feel healed. i’m being told i need a surgery to correct a terrible problem. but i feel healed.