chapter 50: fast forward

today is thursday, april the 28th.  i’ve interrupted my normal blogging, the chronology i’ve been working on, to post something which is fully in the present.  today is the day of my surgery.  it’s 2 a.m. in Phoenix.  i’m lying on a hotel bed, wishing i had another 6 hours to bring my blog up to date, with all the goings-on of the last week.  another 8 hours for sleep would be a plus, too.

if all goes well with the surgery, i’ll be back on here, writing about Dr. Yoon and the cardiac situation, to complete the storyline.  but for now, this is the day i have been dreading.  and waiting for.  not excitedly.  maybe curiously.

the last week has been strange.  The Green Mile.  i’ve felt like i should receive privileges.  something for my hardship.  i’ve thought every girl i see should show me her boobs.  it’s the least she could do…seriously…i’m waiting…you know my contact info..

will i make it unscathed?  we’ll see.  this time tomorrow we should know a lot.  what’s in my head?  what will they find?

a)  an aneurysm

b)  a cavernous malformation

c)  the type of tumor which can be malignant

d)  jimmy hoffa

none of these will surprise me.

i hope i’m not blind in my left eye.  i DESPERATELY hope this.  i buy all my movies in widescreen.  i want to see that way, too.

i hope i’m not paralyzed.  i like to move.

i hope i’m alive.

if not, i enjoyed myself while i was here.

i want to say thank you to Dawn.  she has accompanied me on every appointment, virtually every test…she was there when i had my hemorrhage 10 months ago.  she is the friend i have sometimes mentioned.  i owe her a lot.  she’s in Phoenix this morning, for support.  she’ll be blogging on here later today, to tell of my condition.

Dawn was a great friend during my hospitalization in May.  she wanted to stay in the room each night for support, but i made her go home to sleep.  everybody deserves a bed:

i also want to thank Louisa, who came from Georgia to help, to drive me back to L.A., and to make my raisin bran if i can’t get up.

from the trip…notice the eyes, folks; no sleep:

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